FRIENDSHIP?

We used to be closed, tend to talk directly, judged each other but none of us really take it seriously. But, it seems like we have changed. And to be honest, I don’t like our ‘new’ friendship. Awkward. Savage. Selfish. Hurting.

Can we be the old Ninjas again? Can someone bring the old Ninjas back? Can we talk freely without worrying that someone will get hurt? Can we? πŸ˜”

I know, what of the reasons we became like this is me. And yeah. The guilt is hunting me every time I tried to talk to any of you. ‘Will it be less awkward?’ ‘Will I talk to her without the awkwardness flying in the air?’ I couldn’t stop asking myself these questions.

However, I want to let all of you know that I love you guys and our friendship πŸ’‹ I wish we can always be the Ninjas who shared happiness to the world πŸ’• μ‚¬λž‘ν•΄ πŸ’ž

DILEMMA 😣

After several time I was rejected, finally I got an offer from matriculation. But.. the thing is I.. I don’t want to go. Not because I don’t want to be independent but /sigh/ πŸ˜”

After go thru depression for a while, finally I can accept the fact that I am a Pre U student, can accept that this is what was written for me and I am happy to be in Pre U. Learning Economy, PAM, History, Bahasa Melayu and MUET. So it is hard to make decision to stay in Pre U or go to matriculation πŸ˜” because I starting to like those subjects.

I asked my teacher’s opinion if I should go, and as expected he encouraged me to go but the problem is the course I was offered is Science and I am fed up with Science already. My ambition and the chance.. there is a clash. I.. /sigh/ that is what I was told too.

I want to reject the offer, but when I told my mom that I got the offer, she was smiling brightly. She was really happy even tho she did not say it but I can see it. I do not want to let her down. I do not want to make her upset. And when I told her I feel like not going, the smile.. it fade 😣

I don’t know what to do 😣 which one I should choose 😣 God Β please help me 😭

Big Mini World 💃

“I have to smile, I have to hold it in
Under the eyes that have expectations
The more I open my heart and get closer
There will only be disappointment, only scars will remain” – Jessica | Big Mini World

I’m not living in my own world. I have so many hearts to take care of. And that’s mean, I need to please others and sometimes I’d to hurt myself to make others smile.

BUT, how long? How long I need to please other people? How much I need to hurt myself to please others? Because, I am tired too 😐

Am I do not deserve to be happy? I am not gonna ask why because I won’t get the answer that will satisfy me πŸ™‚

Of course there will be disappointment. There will be scars as I wanted to defence myself from getting hurt. But, I’m not living into his world alone. I need to pretend like nothing happened. Put my biggest smile. And be the cheerful person ever 💞

Another ‘heartbreaking’ failure 😂

So, today result for e-rayuan came out and hahahahahahahaha. For the third time I was rejected by government lol. First, matriculation, then upu and today e-rayuan πŸ˜‚ another failure. Let’s berhuhuhuhu πŸ˜‚

Disappointed? It will be a lie if I said I don’t. Upset? Nah, will be a lie too if I don’t admit it. Yes. Yes. And yes. I am disappointed. I am upset. BUT. But, who I am to be mad with God’s decision? Who I am to be mad? I am just one of human being who won’t stop making mistake. But even I failed, why would I let it make me down, right? Failure means another chance. Failure means I need to work harder not giving up πŸ˜„ I believe in Him. I believe He got another plans for me, which is much better than what I’d planned.

So, put your big smile girl and keep doing your best 😘

Welcome💁

So, uh, hi? Even I know there are nobody still hi tho πŸ˜‚

A brief intro ’bout me. For those who found this blog withput I’m telling, just call me whatever you want as long as doesn’t mean something ehem. Understand, right? For those who know me and I told about this site, you already know me so no need to introduce lor 😝

Gonna post what I want bcs this is mine dude πŸ’

 

 

 

 

#Edited